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Ahem, first, my qualifications: No one in their right mind would or should vote for me. I am completely unworthy and would be of no use to anyone but myself and a few cronies. I have no desire for power.

OK, so the middle part reads like a politicians resume'.

I propose we make the $819 billion an even trillion, because I'm not good at math.

First proposal: Send every person over 18 the first $500 billion dollars divided equally (about $1800 by my fuzzy math).

The other $500 billion goes first to pay the taxes on the stimulus we just received and is used wisely to stimulate the economy.

So it's a pipe-dream. How the hell is the money gonna get used wisely in the synapse-free zone called Washington?

The two sides are like children. One won't meet with the other because he just keeps saying "we won, we'll do anything we want".

And the other side is like "dude mellow out have a smore, my dad Rushto Arrogante' Limbo says you guys are all like, douche's or somethin', so I'm like not gonna come over."

Keep in mind this side did a bang-up job of getting us into this.

It's friggin' embarrassing.

We elected you childish prats, pull up your pantaloons and act like adults.

We the people need you help in order to preserve this less than perfect union.

The bunch of ya' need a spanking, fuck timeouts, you guys are on permanent timeout anyway.

At what point do you guys actually act like you give a turd? Do we really need to be migrating for work? Or begging for food? Or flogging Wall Street execs? Or carrying torches to your houses?

Sheesh, I think we've been kind-of patient here. We're about ready to preperation H the hemorhoids on your shoulders...

We can't even send you to the office, you're the dimwits in the offices.

In M. Night Shama-lama-ding-dong's next movie the surprise twist at the end is you self-serving meat-sacks actually working together to make things better for the people you work for.
 

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