I've been trying to subdue the ancient emotional side, yet forge an understanding with the actions of a single human gunning down another human.

Not to diminish the senseless (in my view) murder of Dr. Tiller, but I'm trying to put into perspective that which will not allow me to sleep: Inhumanity towards man.

One life lost, one life spent in jail... only two lives ruined doesn't measure up to the mass murderers from our illustrious past.

I visited The Army of God website, currently celebrating the death of Dr. Tiller and the heroism of Roeder (following this is a short story I wrote the day after 9/11, if someone would've armed me and sent me in. I was in the right/wrong frame of mind: ready to kill my fellow man). "Kill the Dancers" was not written with pride, but shame that I could become one with the murderers.

Cut and pasted from The Army of God Website: 

The lives of innocent babies scheduled to be murdered by George Tiller are spared by the action of American hero Scott Roeder.

George Tiller the Babykiller reaped what he sowed and is now in eternal hell.
Psalm 55:15 Let death seize upon them, and let them go down quick into hell: for wickedness is in their dwellings, and among them.
George Tiller will never murder a child again.

 Abortionist George Tiller, now in eternal hell fire for shedding the blood of innocent children.

End of Army of God input.

I truly wish I could say we (people of The United States of America), were innocent. We are not. I can understand rage, but not their irrational desire to see us all dead. Unless I incorporate their religious beliefs, then it all coalesces into a sad clarity.

Terrorists, domestic or foreign are driven, one degree or another, by religious beliefs. 

The fables written when humans were even more young and foolish serve to keep us in pre-pubescent immaturity. We discard that which is proven to be wrong, yet we funnel into ornate buildings to re-learn and chant and sing and perform actions from our distant past hoping for an absolution that will not come.

 A past we have almost totally disregarded, except in one area.

We seem easily impressed with ornate buildings, as though what spews from them is good... since they're ornate and appear well thought-out, stable and impressive.

We confuse the humans going in with the thoughts coming out... thinking they must be noble humans looking-out for their fellow man. They are not (google almost all of them since government or religion were created, humans are flawed). The buildings are an artifice, they create the image of trust because of their majesty.

We created a tool for them to lie to us. We stand in awe of the architecture they use as their pulpit, giving them credibility they do not deserve.

Religion: As I'm left to consider this relic, I'm confronted with the idea religion could be the anti-christ. It could bring humanity down. It refuses to control breeding, denying education or birth control. It wants everyone to breed at maximum capacity, promoting global warming, wars over resources, pandemics, things we haven't thought of yet.

The plague thrived during a time when human population stressed the maximum human technology could support (yes, there was a "little ice age" which exposed our over indulgence [The Great Mortality-By John Kelly]). The plague thrived.

Could I kill? I do it every day. When I shower life ends. I drive and windshield wipers clear the annoying bug innardss off the windshield. I've shot birds, rabbits, squirrels (sorry "the squirrel") and a deer. I'm complicit in the death of cattle and chickens and pigs and vegetables.

I'm not even angry with them, they didn't want to kill me.

Where do you and I draw the line? You won't kill humans? But you'll eat compassionately killed meat. You'll eat a boatload of tuna as long as a one dolphin wasn't harmed?

We're all hypocrites, and yes I would kill a human that wanted me dead.

I believe we all have the potential to kill if confronted with survival. Given the choice of you or them, it's them.

I believe religion is at the root of many atrocities. I will not seek the death of the people...just the religion. Muslims want everyone not of their faith dead, the extremists take this as a directive to murder. Christians want everyone Christian, Jews await their God to deliver bloody justice. All these religions want everyone else dead.

I wonder if they don't support birth control or abortion or sex education so their flocks will grow for the upcoming war we're all going to die in? Cannon fodder? Brilliant, that's just what I, or future generations, wanted to be. 

According to my figures I have billions of people that want me dead. Yet they want me dead not because of my beliefs, I'm anti-religion. I'll be killed to placate a religion I don't believe in, because I associate with all these other religions I don't believe in.

Can I get you guys to just leave me and my family alone?

As an American I enjoy free-speech and the melting pot thing, but when your beliefs may end the world? I may want to beg off, but at that point I'm dead too.

I envision the U.S. as the Knights Templar, defenders of the Jewish faith. We granted the Jewish faith the land after WWII and defend Israel to this day.

I don't recognize them as a race. The people involved are all descended from the middle east, it's not race they're fighting over. It's religion (I hate dying over religion masked as race).

I am king of all I survey, as long as I keep my eyes closed.

I am not H.G. Wells nor Douglas Adams, Huxley. Heinlein, Asimov, Arthur C. Clarke. I am not Orwell. However, these guys got some things right.

We need to care more. We went through a period of huge money being made, we didn't care. Since we use money as a measure of personal worth helping the less fortunate is a measure of caring, we gave very little percentage wise= we don't care.

And screw Wal-Mart, Home Depot, Bass Pro, Callebros, anyone taking subsidies from the government (the masses) and making promises to the people you KNOW to be lies. They have destroyed jobs (local business) and replaced them with new "better" less paying jobs.

I am the King of all I survey as long as I keep my eyes closed.

These are the thoughts that will not cease and desist. This is why I write.

Worthless in the overall picture...

I just wanted to state my case.

I know it's a windmill farm... get me another windmill!

I must tilt. Not kill.


This is when I went fully pro-choice. A comment from my Abortion thread:

"So when does personhood commence in actuality? As an absolute minimum, I would argue for a developed brain. Somewhere beginning around week 18 and ending around week 23, all of the neurons in a fetus' cranium are flushed out and replaced by a new set that -- entirely unlike the previous set which existed only to inflate the head to a workable size -- these later neurons have the dense inter-connectivity to comprise an actual brain. There may be reasons for pushing the boundary further down the line, but I would be hard pressed to take seriously any claim that put it earlier. Such a claim would necessarily be relying on the "potential person" argument, and as such would be fatally flawed."


*****

This story was written September 12th, 2001. But is seems relevant today as Obama reaches out to the Muslim world. Some Muslim's seem confused as to why we don't trust them.

Once again I'm not proud of some of my reactions, but they were very real then... and serve as an example of how I could be worked into a frenzy ready to kill.

I need to say one more thing: All these religions mentioned are breeding armies of god. Being a person promoting free-thought, individualism... forming a group would be defeatist.

Think for yourself.

KILL THE DANCERS
 
It wasn’t normal to want to kill dancers, before the definition of normal spun wildly out of control searching for its new definition.  The definition doesn’t exist.  Not yet.

If this is now normal, then I will want to kill dancers and that will be normal.  This can’t be.

My first day in the New World sucked.

I joined the collective stupor that was for the sane.  While the insane danced in the streets.

This macabre scene angered.  They were celebrating the death of innocent humans.  Their fellow humans.  This couldn’t be normal.

These jerk-offs are lucky it’s not logistically feasible for me to kill them, alas, the only gun I have is filled with grease.

I desire to shove the grease gun up their ass and pump until explosion occurs.

I hope my desire to kill dancers subsides.  I hope this is not normal.

I desperately want to curl up with a beautiful woman and have her whisper lies with my head buried in her shoulder.  Her wondrous hair caressing my face.  Breathe in her scent and her lies and tell myself that it’s true…”The world is all right, we’re all right.”

But, I’m in a trench, digging.  I concentrate on the trench, pushing the horrid pictures of the reality nightmare to the subconscious.

I am going to dig the best damn ditch ever.  This worked for a while.

Then the plane swooped through my subconscious and entered my consciousness again.  Fuck.

What the fuck were they dancing to?  The Heil Hitler Polka?

Those that do not learn from the past are doomed to repeat it.  “We” is cumulative, we do not learn.  “We” is doomed?

I hope that some of the unfortunates were murderers or child molesters or really fucking bad people.  This helps for a bit.  But is this normal?

Yesterday there was no music; there was no comedy, just tragedy.  We need comedy. We need music.

I hope this is not normal.

The triviality of my existence bitch slaps me again.

I’m numb.  My soul hurts, my mind wants to kill, I’m digging trenches.

I don’t feel like writing anymore.  I long for the absence of feeling, but I’ll settle for the collective stupor.

I hope this is not the new definition of normal.

I hope for hope.