For this experiment I have sedated my friend John Burtson with cheap vodka.

John Burtson will be representing John Q. Public.

We have placed John in a lion's cage.

The LION represents voracious, rapacious, unchecked, unbalanced, unrepentant, free market capitalism.

Release the Lion!

Arghuckfuckdyingmommygurglehiyee (from the tape)

 CUT TO: A Hospital Bed

John Q. Public and John Burtson writhe in pain.

Both John's are heavily bandaged and lightly sedated (they are one in the same).

John, how are you feeling?

Cashews can't ride bikes in caramel flip-flops.

Good, you seem relatively lucid, like most Americans.

John do you think the LION should be released to ravage society?

No release! No Release! Control the Lion, release the vodka.

Thank you John.

Are my no-no parts still attached? John mauled! John mauled! Why John mauled?

There you have it.

John Q. Public has been mauled and does not wish to be mauled again.

*****

As a value added bonus my Hebrew brother Jon Stewart tells Fox "News" to go fuck itself.