Thanks to the new and improved scorched earth capitalism you no longer have to go through the drudgery of fucking yourself.

Thanks to Ronald Reagan, who released the hounds upon us, there are plenty of people ready and willing to fuck you!

You can find plenty of willing reamers in congress or Wall Street, or you could just call Jamie Dimon at JP Morgan Chase for a voracious- bodacious reaming.

He's ready to ream us all again and again. What a stud muffin.

Bernie Madoff might be willing to give us a conjugal visit.

Please allow me to list a few of the more stellar butt pirates: Citibank, Bank of (fucking) America, Exxon (pays no taxes), Enron, Wal-Mart, Cuntrywide (sic) Mortgage, AIG (American Institute of Gluttons).

Thank you all for freeing up my time, fucking myself was so time consuming. Thanks to you I no longer need to fuck myself or work.

Watching Fox "News" is like watching the play by play of a rape.

Glenn Beck is in favor of a good conservative reaming. He is against liberal reaming, he's also against anything that benefits anyone but the people he shills for.

We can always count on Rush Limblower for a good hummer. Butter-up your donut hole! It's time for the Rush (me to a pharmacy) Limblower fantasy show!

Don't get all self-conscious that our raping has been televised, we have Standard and Poors and Moody's to rate our sexploits. They gave triple AAA ratings to Jeffrey Dahmer  (in fairness they did only give Hitler and pedophile priests an A rating).

The flushing sound you hear is Jamie Dimon sending our prosperity down the toilet. He has also introduced a bill (I know he's not a congressman, he just owns them) outlawing the pursuit of happiness. He cornered the market on our happiness and then sold short.

I dream of a world with unicorns and magic jelly beans of happiness. The unicorns are merrily taking turns jamming their horns up Jamie Dimon's ass. Who would of thought sodomy could feel so right?

Great civilizations create things. They are partially judged on what they leave behind. Art, music, architecture, writing, philosophy, etc., cannot be created by people struggling to survive.

In today's disposable world "creation" is not prized. If our legacy were written today it might read something like this: America/ They Were disposable, so they allowed themselves to be disposed of. They went quietly into the night like good little sheople, arguing amongst themselves while Atlas mocked them.

The financial fornicators are ready and wildy willing to ream us, they care not if it's consensual.

Testimonial from a satisfied American: Hey, I'm getting reamed right now! I didn't even have to call to set-up an appointment! These guys are like psychics, they know when I need a good reaming and just do it! If I still owned a car I could park it in my ass, thank you Wall Street!

High praise indeed, these guys know their business and their business is fucking you and me... and business is good.

We owe these guys a big hug and THANK YOU! Look at all the free time we have? Since millions of us no longer need to fuck ourselves and/or need to suffer the drudgery of employment.

They've given us the blessing of free time we can use to scavenge for food AND thankfully time is still free.

As Blue Oyster Cult said: Don't fear the reamer.



A special shout-out to Ronnie Reagan, Bush the Elder, Bill Clinton, Bush the Douche, Con-gress Digress, all of you "too big to fail" ass-wipes, Corporate Malfeasants.

With a blanket "go fuck yourself" to all of you rapists that got away with the raping and pillaging of America.